I'm Worn

Tenth Avenue North - Worn Lyrics

Artist: Tenth Avenue North
Album: The Struggle

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I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But im too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
My prayers are wearing thin
And I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/tenth-avenue-north/worn-lyrics/#AXIabix7LLWdp89R.99

As I was driving to work this morning, a Tenth Avenue North song came on...Worn.  It is such a poignant song and one that I can understand on a very personal level and every time I hear it, I brings me to tears.

I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world
and I know that you can give me rest
so I cry out with all that I have left.

I remember the time when I FIRST felt the wind get punched out of me.  I couldn't  breath and I literally felt like there was so much weight on me that I didn't know if I would ever get out of bed again; and I cried.  I cried tears of disappointment, tears of anger, tears of disbelief and I cried out to God to take it all away.  At one point I even cried for God to take ME away.  I had no hope and felt like I had nothing left.  That FIRST time, months went by and very little relief in my emotional state and I all I could do was cry some more.

Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

During that past eight years of this struggle, I kept crying out to God.  How could this have happened, why does it keep happening, why will you NOT RELEASE me from this? How could I be expected to bear this time and time again...  I believe that God can and does restore, all I wanted was restoration but  I could not walk away.  After all, I was being faithful and I made not just a commitment, but a covenant and I was waiting for God to fix everything because in the end, that is what happens, right?

I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Incident after incident, time and after time, year after year I cried out to God for relief; fix it, heal it, or take it, just do something.  I was tired and all I could do was pray, read and study my bible searching for answers and cry out to God.  There were times when things felt like they were headed in the right direction and perhaps, God was answering my prayer.  But just when I got comfortable with my life and my journey, another incident appeared  and it seemed to take me deeper in despair and it took longer and was harder to come out of it. I had great people surrounding me, praying for me,  lifting me up and at times, I was at a loss for words and couldn't pray anymore. Those times when I felt God was not there, others stepped up and prayed on my behalf because I had nothing left to give.

My prayers are wearing thin, and I'm worn
Even before the day begins, I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight, I'm worn
Heaven come and flood  my eyes

Two years ago, I felt I had hit rock bottom, I could not  pray and I felt so numb and was literally in a fog, that all I could say was "I am tired".  I had fallen into the darkest pit and there seemed to be no light to look to, and I began  to cry, physically cry and could not stop. I became almost hysterical with tears and loud full force crying.  It was like 6 years of holding back just busted the dam wide open and the flood gates were smashed.  I wanted to die and  I really didn't want to deal with this anymore.  I was tired of hurting and tired of being in the midst of this storm that would just not go away.  I was driving my car and was desperately searching for something to drive my car into.  I want to die but I didn't want to an innocent person's life with me so I had enough sense to pull over and call the emergency hot line number on the back of my insurance card. I was immediately sent to the ER for evaluation.  The only thing I could say was I was tired and hysterically cry.  The poor lady on the other end of the call wanted to call the ambulance, but I refused to tell here where I was.  I was about a mile from the hospital so she remained on the phone with me while I drove myself there.

Of course they gave me some really good sedatives to calm me down and I started spilling what was going on.  Of course I had a psychiatric evaluation and it was determined that I was no longer having suicidal thoughts and I didn't need to be immediately admitted and I was given instructions to call for further evaluation as an outpatient, which I did.  I slowly crawled out of that deep dark pit and God began to restore my strength and resolve. I had amazing friends along the way, great friends that stood by me, allowed me cry, yell and just mope when I needed to; all the while, there were interceding at the throne of God on my behalf.

It has been a long two years since that February of 2011 and an even longer 8 years since this journey began on July 17, 2005 but I have continued to grow and strengthen my faith; there have been ups and down, triumphs and disappointments and on  September 13, 2013, the journey took a sharp turn that led to a divorce and me being a single mom.  A new leg of the journey has now begun I have been worn and I have been so tired that I just didn't care if I lived or died, but the tiredness is improving and has been replaced with resolve. Resolve to turn this journey into something inspiring for others.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

Joshua 1:9 - Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Don't be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go."