I love the verse from Psalm 40:1-2, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand". This verse takes me back to several episodes in my life that certainly have been turning points. One was a day almost 7 1/2 years ago that has forever changed my life. I found out some of the most devastating news one could hear. The actual event doesn't really matter at this point, but the excruciating hurtfulness and the magnitude of what this would mean for my life and the life of my family hurt me to the core. I made a permanent hole in my heart, and to this day it still fills up with doubt and fear and I wonder if it will ever be whole again.
I did turn to God and for a while I thought all was healed, but it's ugly head reared itself up again and again. Every time I would try to bury it, it would peak it's head up. It has been an on going battle for over 7 long years. I have been dealing with the mire of this situation for so long that it has worn me out. I have developed anxiety, depression, bitterness and anger and each passing year, it seems to get worse, but my faith seems to get stronger....I ask you, how is that possible? I have forgiven and forgiven until I just can't forgive anymore, how long does this have to last? Matthew 18: 21-22 says "Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'". Now that is a hard number that we can understand, 7 x 70 is 490 but I don't believe he actually meant to put an actual number to it, but to say that we should always offer forgiveness!
In February of this year, I cracked. I wound up in the Emergency Department a total wreck, I didn't want my life to go on; I wanted the pain to stop! Fortunately, because of my faith and my love for my girls, I called out to someone for help. That led me to the hospital and all I could say was "I am so tired"; over and over again and cry hysterically. It took medication to calm me down and to get me to the point where I could tell the nurse what triggered this episode and I had to relive everything over again...to a stranger.
The truth is that I had let that junk, that sediment that I kept pushing down to forget about it, build up and build up until it just exploded. I ran out of energy to fight any longer and I entered a very dark place in my life. The truth is, that I expected to go about life in a way that is expected of a Christian/Christian wife and go about my business like everything was hunky dory, but it is NOT! I am so thankful that the light of Jesus is in my life and those I surround myself with, because without the love and support of some very Godly friends, I would not have made it through that day. Now I did go to counseling and work through a few things, but the truth is, if you keep facing the very thing that caused you pain, will the pain truly ever go away? I truly believe that God will bring peace to the situation; whether he removes that pain or buries it, who knows! Only God does!
I know that I am not completely on that rock with a firm stance, and I am slowly coming out of the slimy pit and working through the mire, but I have a hope, a faith that God will use this "thing" in my life for His good. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for the good of those that love Jesus who are called according to His purpose. I can't imagine the pain that I have been living through the last 7 years of my life could ever be a something good, but I believe the scriptures and pray every day that God will use me to guide someone else and in the end, He will get the glory!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
You are a masterpiece!
Ephesians 2:10
New King James Version (NKJV)
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
It is hard to truly make a spiritual change in your life until you see yourself as God sees you. It is almost impossible to change or fix something without first knowing where the flaw is or what is broke. We need to remember that we are created in the perfect image of Christ. At the very core of our spiritual being, we ARE perfect because GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!!!!
In the verse referenced above, we are called His workmanship. Webster's defines it as something effected or produced; the skill of a workman or the quality imparted to something in the process of making it. Some versions of the Bible use the work masterpiece or handiwork in it's place. From the beginning of the Bible (Genesis 1:26-27) we are told we were created in His image. This means as a workmanship, or masterpiece, we have been imparted with the qualities of Jesus since we were made in His image.
With that in mind, I decided to find out what the qualities of Jesus were. After a little bit of research, I found there are over 200 bible verses about the character and quality of Jesus. To boil it down to something simple, we just need to look at the Fruits of the Spirit.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
To reveal the image of Christ in us and to expose the fruits of the spirit in our lives it involves making changes, restoring us to the perfect spiritual being we can be. Now I don't believe any of us will ever see that this side of heaven, but we are instructed to keep striving for it and live like Christ.
While praying over this today, the painting ‘Ecce Homo’ by the artist Elias Garcia Martinez,that had been displayed in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church at Borja near Zaragoza for 120 year and then destroyed by painting over the original image, kept coming to mind.
The artist was a local and this was his masterpiece. His family cherished it though it had no monetary value. The 80 year old amateur art restorer thought she could help restore the picture to it's once original brilliance. The picture is of Christ with a crown of thorns and clearly had worn over time, and the image that had been painted had faded and collected years of dirt and dust in the very pores of it's fabric.
Art restoration involves tediously removing all the dirt from the pores and crevices of the painting and then carefully added paint (called stippling) to match up to the original. Some say that restoration is wrong because while the intention is good, the masterpiece could be destroyed however, Michelangelo's statue of David has been cleaned several times with no damage. The "Ecco Homo" was destroyed almost beyond recognition b/c the layers of dirt and grime and the correct process of added the image back to the canvas was not done.
In many ways, we are like an old masterpiece that needs to be restored. We need to remove layers of sin from our spiritual body and then begin to add the image back onto the canvas. We can do this by practicing and live by the Fruits of the spirit, to live more like Christ did.
Love: agape - self-giving love that gives freely without asking anything in return and does not consider the worth of the object (see John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:8, 1 John 4:16)
Joy: spirit given expression that flourished best in hard times. It is not a human based emotion that comes and goes, calm delight (see Nehemiah 8:10, Luke 10:21, John 15:11)
Peace: tranquility, a state of rest that comes from seeking God (John 14:27, 1 Thess 5:23, 2 Thess 3:16, 2 Cor 13:11)
"Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God no matter what the conflict." - anonymous
Patience: constancy, perseverance,, steadfastness (see Heb 10:36, Heb 6:12 James 5:10-11)
Kindness: is not being nice, in contrast to nice which is agreeable, kindness is acting for the good of people regardless of what they do, sweetness of disposition or gentleness when dealing with others. In plain words, the ability to act for the welfare of those taxing your patience. (See Rom 2:4, Rom 11:22, Eph 2:7, 2 Cor 6:6)
Goodness: state or quality of good, moral excellence, the best part of anything (see 2 Thes 1:11, Titus 3:4, Heb 6:5)
Faithfulness: committing oneself to something or someone, requires personal resolve to not wonder away (see Isaiah 25:1, Rome 3:2-4, Jeremiah 31:14
Gentleness: a disposition that is even-tempered, tranquil, unpretentious, having your passions under control (see Sam 22:36, psalm 18:35, 2Cor 10:1)
There are so many more qualities of Jesus that a book could be written about them...Oh wait, there was, it is called the Bible!! Read the Bible to discover more about who Christ was and how we are to be like Him. As Christians, we are to live by these qualities in our everyday life.
It is hard to truly make a spiritual change in your life until you see yourself as God sees you. It is almost impossible to change or fix something without first knowing where the flaw is or what is broke. We need to remember that we are created in the perfect image of Christ. At the very core of our spiritual being, we ARE perfect because GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!!!!
In the verse referenced above, we are called His workmanship. Webster's defines it as something effected or produced; the skill of a workman or the quality imparted to something in the process of making it. Some versions of the Bible use the work masterpiece or handiwork in it's place. From the beginning of the Bible (Genesis 1:26-27) we are told we were created in His image. This means as a workmanship, or masterpiece, we have been imparted with the qualities of Jesus since we were made in His image.
With that in mind, I decided to find out what the qualities of Jesus were. After a little bit of research, I found there are over 200 bible verses about the character and quality of Jesus. To boil it down to something simple, we just need to look at the Fruits of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23
English Standard Version (ESV)
To reveal the image of Christ in us and to expose the fruits of the spirit in our lives it involves making changes, restoring us to the perfect spiritual being we can be. Now I don't believe any of us will ever see that this side of heaven, but we are instructed to keep striving for it and live like Christ.
While praying over this today, the painting ‘Ecce Homo’ by the artist Elias Garcia Martinez,that had been displayed in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church at Borja near Zaragoza for 120 year and then destroyed by painting over the original image, kept coming to mind.
The artist was a local and this was his masterpiece. His family cherished it though it had no monetary value. The 80 year old amateur art restorer thought she could help restore the picture to it's once original brilliance. The picture is of Christ with a crown of thorns and clearly had worn over time, and the image that had been painted had faded and collected years of dirt and dust in the very pores of it's fabric.
Art restoration involves tediously removing all the dirt from the pores and crevices of the painting and then carefully added paint (called stippling) to match up to the original. Some say that restoration is wrong because while the intention is good, the masterpiece could be destroyed however, Michelangelo's statue of David has been cleaned several times with no damage. The "Ecco Homo" was destroyed almost beyond recognition b/c the layers of dirt and grime and the correct process of added the image back to the canvas was not done.
In many ways, we are like an old masterpiece that needs to be restored. We need to remove layers of sin from our spiritual body and then begin to add the image back onto the canvas. We can do this by practicing and live by the Fruits of the spirit, to live more like Christ did.
Love: agape - self-giving love that gives freely without asking anything in return and does not consider the worth of the object (see John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:8, 1 John 4:16)
Joy: spirit given expression that flourished best in hard times. It is not a human based emotion that comes and goes, calm delight (see Nehemiah 8:10, Luke 10:21, John 15:11)
Peace: tranquility, a state of rest that comes from seeking God (John 14:27, 1 Thess 5:23, 2 Thess 3:16, 2 Cor 13:11)
"Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God no matter what the conflict." - anonymous
Patience: constancy, perseverance,, steadfastness (see Heb 10:36, Heb 6:12 James 5:10-11)
Kindness: is not being nice, in contrast to nice which is agreeable, kindness is acting for the good of people regardless of what they do, sweetness of disposition or gentleness when dealing with others. In plain words, the ability to act for the welfare of those taxing your patience. (See Rom 2:4, Rom 11:22, Eph 2:7, 2 Cor 6:6)
Goodness: state or quality of good, moral excellence, the best part of anything (see 2 Thes 1:11, Titus 3:4, Heb 6:5)
Faithfulness: committing oneself to something or someone, requires personal resolve to not wonder away (see Isaiah 25:1, Rome 3:2-4, Jeremiah 31:14
Gentleness: a disposition that is even-tempered, tranquil, unpretentious, having your passions under control (see Sam 22:36, psalm 18:35, 2Cor 10:1)
There are so many more qualities of Jesus that a book could be written about them...Oh wait, there was, it is called the Bible!! Read the Bible to discover more about who Christ was and how we are to be like Him. As Christians, we are to live by these qualities in our everyday life.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Beginning your trip....Again?!
Today's post was born out of my group bible study lesson from today. But I decided to expand on my thoughts here so I could ramble at will..... :-)
I like to have printed copies of my bible study lessons because I like to make comments about things as I read through it. This helps me to pray about the lesson and the truths in it when I finish reading it. One of the statements in today's lesson is that you will fail at some point in keeping your commitment to spend time with God but the key to victory in this area is to simply begin again.....my comments on this was - I seem to begin and begin and begin and begin. Will I ever stop beginning and actually go!
Hebrews 12:1b is one of my favorite verses but I like the NLT version better: Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. This is the verse that greets you when you go to my blog page. I have started so many things such as training for a 5k, training my spiritual life and just life in general that I decided to "blog" about it for accountability. It just seems interesting to me that I have used this same mindset we are studying about today for so long and still trying to live by it, but have I have finished, have I actually reached my goal? Certainly not, I just keep failing and beginning again!
I am still trying to discover my life plan, still learning to rest (I also happen to think naps are a waste of time as did the author of the bible study lesson I am reading and feel guilty whenever I take one) and learning to put off that extra baggage so we can run the race. I do believe that I will finish training for and actually run a 5k one day, but my spiritual journey will not be over until the Lord calls me home, so with that, it is imperative to begin as many times as we need to run with endurance the race God has set before us!
I does get tiring though, constantly beginning again both the 5k training and my spiritual life. It is like going on a trip. You get all packed, get in the car, head down the driveway and remember you forgot something so you go back. Do this over and over again and you will never get on the road and get on your trip, you will never see the beautiful things God has planned for you on this journey. I makes me sad to think how many wonderful and amazing things I have missed out on because I keep starting my journey over and over but never actually get on the trip. I know that we are to run with everything we got on the trip we have been given, but I feel like I am a car on blocks and the engine is reving and reving. I am trying to go, but my wheels are just spinning and going no where. I am still trying to figure out how to come down off those blocks and begin driving somewhere!
It can be very discouraging at times, a lot of times lately. I know there is more out there, I am just not sure how to get there without knocking the car off the blocks and doing some damage to the underside of the car or its surroundings so it can finally get on this wonderful trip!
I like to have printed copies of my bible study lessons because I like to make comments about things as I read through it. This helps me to pray about the lesson and the truths in it when I finish reading it. One of the statements in today's lesson is that you will fail at some point in keeping your commitment to spend time with God but the key to victory in this area is to simply begin again.....my comments on this was - I seem to begin and begin and begin and begin. Will I ever stop beginning and actually go!
Hebrews 12:1b is one of my favorite verses but I like the NLT version better: Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. This is the verse that greets you when you go to my blog page. I have started so many things such as training for a 5k, training my spiritual life and just life in general that I decided to "blog" about it for accountability. It just seems interesting to me that I have used this same mindset we are studying about today for so long and still trying to live by it, but have I have finished, have I actually reached my goal? Certainly not, I just keep failing and beginning again!
I am still trying to discover my life plan, still learning to rest (I also happen to think naps are a waste of time as did the author of the bible study lesson I am reading and feel guilty whenever I take one) and learning to put off that extra baggage so we can run the race. I do believe that I will finish training for and actually run a 5k one day, but my spiritual journey will not be over until the Lord calls me home, so with that, it is imperative to begin as many times as we need to run with endurance the race God has set before us!
I does get tiring though, constantly beginning again both the 5k training and my spiritual life. It is like going on a trip. You get all packed, get in the car, head down the driveway and remember you forgot something so you go back. Do this over and over again and you will never get on the road and get on your trip, you will never see the beautiful things God has planned for you on this journey. I makes me sad to think how many wonderful and amazing things I have missed out on because I keep starting my journey over and over but never actually get on the trip. I know that we are to run with everything we got on the trip we have been given, but I feel like I am a car on blocks and the engine is reving and reving. I am trying to go, but my wheels are just spinning and going no where. I am still trying to figure out how to come down off those blocks and begin driving somewhere!
It can be very discouraging at times, a lot of times lately. I know there is more out there, I am just not sure how to get there without knocking the car off the blocks and doing some damage to the underside of the car or its surroundings so it can finally get on this wonderful trip!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Organizing your homelife
I have always struggled with organizing my home life. My desk, at work (when I had one), was always organized, but somehow, I can't seem to get there at home. So I have come across a blog that shows how to do this in 31 days. It is great! Check out her blog/ website at http://www.organizinghomelife.com/. She includes printables to help you make your own home management binder.
I think I need to try and do something like this with my spiritual life; find a way to organize it! I am not sure how you would go about putting that into a binder, but certainly would be interesting to try. It could be something like "Organizing Your Spiritual Life 101" I would imagine it would include something like 1) Favorite Verses 2) Weekly/ Monthly Bible Study 3) Journal entries 4) Prayer lists 5)Your prayers written out. I am just not sure it would all fit into one binder. I seem to get long winded at times, but it is just a thought!!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Check your baggage
Our current sermon series at church is called "Baggage" (listen to the podcast at Connection Church) and I have been praying and thinking about it alot. We all have someone in our life who has hurt us. Some hurts are much bigger than others on the grand scheme of things, but in reality, a hurt is a hurt and we all have to deal with it in our own ways.
I have been hurt, a lot, and badly. I have thought that all was forgiven, after all, I am a Christian and profess Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior; so the proper thing to do is to forgive someone and go on with your life. The problem is, have I (you) really forgiven that person? Do I (you) keep bringing it up and rehashing the wrong? Do I (you) let it eat away at my (your) very soul day after day, or have I (you) truly forgiven the one who did the hurting.
You know, we have always been told to forgive and forget. It is easy to give lip service to that and say we have forgiven someone, and take the hurtful thing that was done and put it on the shelf somewhere and close the door. Then an earthquake comes, maybe just a slight tremor, something that just causes things to shift ever so slightly in that cabinet. To use a recent story a friend of mine posted, it is like putting your phone (a flip phone works best with this analogy) on a shelf, but not turning it off. Someone is trying to reach you, so they call you. The phone just vibrates and vibrates, next thing you know, it has vibrated off the shelf and the phone flips open and the person on the other line thinks you have answered, but you really aren't there!
Our hurts are like that; the devil is like that. They keep coming up and the hurts keep calling you. You can't just put things up and forget about them. You can't even turn it off b/c something is always there to remind you..It is like some phones that will turn themselves on if you have an alarm or timer set. You have to deal with them, take their life away, take out the battery.
In dealing with hurts, you have to take the life out of it by going to the one true source of peace, Jesus. Psalm 71:20 says "though you have made me see my troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
Through studying and praying over this lesson this week, I realized that there are several things in which true forgiveness has not been given. I still blame the one who did the hurt; I can't seem to let it go, no matter how hard I try. No matter that I have been praying over this situation countless times, the question remains, have I really given my heart over to God to allow me to forgive that person and have I truly given my heart over to allow God to do the healing and restoring that His Word have promised us?
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Desert Song/ refined like silver
I know it has been months since I have posted anything, but I have been in a fight, one that felt like it was between life and death. You know when you are in the midst of a storm and you feel like there is no way out, sometimes you feel like death would be a gift. But when you keep seeking God, He eventually shows you that "life is always the answer".
The past few months have left me dry and feeling like God had turned his back on me. After all, hadn't I been following Him, searching and studying His Word? How could He let me feel like He had left me and threw me to the wolves!!
I have pushed through the last few months, making plans to change things in my life, but in the end, God showed me that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). My plans were not His plans. The funny thing is that this has been my "life verse" for the past 18 years. I have reminded myself of that time and time again, however, this time, I had forgotten it.
I had wonderful people surrounding me that prayed for me, listened to my cry and whine about my problems and continued to love me anyway. In the end, I gave into God and allowed him to guide me in the path He would have me to go.
Sometimes, I think you have to get the breaking point, the point where you are so low, that you can't even look down anymore. You just have to look up!! That's where I was. Oh, I am still down there, but I am beginning my climb to get back up, but I feel like the desert in my life is going away, and the vessel is being filled.
Zechariah 13:9 "I will bring them through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined and will test them as god is tested. They will call on My name and I will hear and answer them."
Silver is refined by fire , the refiner must sit with his eye steadily fixed on the furnace. If the silver is left in the furnace too long and even heated in excess in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured. The only way that he knows when the process of purifying is complete when he sees his own image reflected in the silver....
This is my prayer in the desert, And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need, My God is the God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire, In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved Of more worth than gold, So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise, I will bring praise, No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle, When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life, In every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest, When favor and providence flow, I know I'm filled to be emptied again, The seed I've received I will sow
~~~~Hillsong United / Desert Song.
God know what fires come our way, and he knows how long we can endure them before He steps in. If we are to be refined like silver, then in the end, His image should be reflected in us. Who is the image others see in you? My prayer is I reflect Christ to others and that you will also be like silver and reflect the refiner; the Lord Jesus Christ!
The past few months have left me dry and feeling like God had turned his back on me. After all, hadn't I been following Him, searching and studying His Word? How could He let me feel like He had left me and threw me to the wolves!!
I have pushed through the last few months, making plans to change things in my life, but in the end, God showed me that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). My plans were not His plans. The funny thing is that this has been my "life verse" for the past 18 years. I have reminded myself of that time and time again, however, this time, I had forgotten it.
I had wonderful people surrounding me that prayed for me, listened to my cry and whine about my problems and continued to love me anyway. In the end, I gave into God and allowed him to guide me in the path He would have me to go.
Sometimes, I think you have to get the breaking point, the point where you are so low, that you can't even look down anymore. You just have to look up!! That's where I was. Oh, I am still down there, but I am beginning my climb to get back up, but I feel like the desert in my life is going away, and the vessel is being filled.
Zechariah 13:9 "I will bring them through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined and will test them as god is tested. They will call on My name and I will hear and answer them."
Silver is refined by fire , the refiner must sit with his eye steadily fixed on the furnace. If the silver is left in the furnace too long and even heated in excess in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured. The only way that he knows when the process of purifying is complete when he sees his own image reflected in the silver....
I know, you are thinking, here she goes again, posting song lyrics, but I say to you; Yes I am. Sometimes the songs say things in ways I could never describe.
This is my prayer in my hunger and need, My God is the God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire, In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved Of more worth than gold, So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise, I will bring praise, No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle, When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life, In every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest, When favor and providence flow, I know I'm filled to be emptied again, The seed I've received I will sow
~~~~Hillsong United / Desert Song.
God know what fires come our way, and he knows how long we can endure them before He steps in. If we are to be refined like silver, then in the end, His image should be reflected in us. Who is the image others see in you? My prayer is I reflect Christ to others and that you will also be like silver and reflect the refiner; the Lord Jesus Christ!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Am I strong enough?
I love posting about songs that touch me. I really listen to the words and I just know that God is speaking to me through them. It is almost as if they were written just for me. This morning as I was getting ready for work and meditating at the same time about my life and the bible study I am participating in right now called "When I Am Afraid", the song 'Strong Enough' by Matthew West came on. It hit me and I had to stop in my tracks and use this as my prayer. It is saying exactly what has been on my mind lately. I want to share the lyrics with you:
"Strong Enough"
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Read through and meditate on these words.....they kind of fit all of us, don't they?
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Where's the Focus?
I have had so many things on my mind lately I am not sure where to begin.
This morning our sermon was on faith or more more general, where is your focus? You know we all try to live a good moral life and probably follow the "golden rule" We all like to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us", or do we. There is a lot of gossip we participate in but get upset when we are the FOCUS of the gossip. We all want to win a million dollars but get upset when someone we deem as "undeserving" gets the lucky break and becomes the FOCUS of the millions.
Take a look at Mary and Martha from Luke 10: 38-42. Martha was busy making things ready for Jesus' visit. Cooking, cleaning, being a good hostess. She was doing all the work and Mary was doing nothing. She was just sitting there. It is no wonder Martha got upset. It was not fair. Why should she get stuck doing all the manual labor while Mary gets to enjoy the company? I bet we all feel that way at times. I know I do. I feel like no one does anything and it is up to me. As parents, we run ourselves ragged trying to get our children to all the different events and activities the have going on, including church activities and work and your spouses activities. Sometimes, it can be very taxing on a person to feel like all that pressure is on them. All this pressure and stress can leave us stressed out, depressed, filled with anxiety, frustrated and overwhelmed and leave energy to take care of ourselves.
In James 2:8, we learn that we need to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The problem is, if we are so stressed, anxious, frustrated and overwhelmed and possibly even down right miserable, how can we love or take care of ourselves. If we can't take care of ourselves and we don't love ourselves, we are not going to truly love others.
In Martha's case, she was so busy taking care of the house, trying to please everyone that she forgot her focus should have been on Jesus who was sitting in her living room. She didn't stop to spend time with the Lord, sit as His feet and listen to his teachings. She was upset and even asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her since Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to what He was saying. She was not concerned about the food that needed cooked or the bathroom that needed cleaned or the clothes that needed washed. She was only concerned with what was right there in front of her. She was fulfilling her spiritual need because the opportunity was right there, the rest will still be there later. Even Jesus told Martha that she was worried and trouble about many things, but only one thing was needed and Mary has chosen that and he would not take that from here.
I tend to be a Martha in my marriage. I am so busy trying to fix things, making things right, making sure the bills get paid that sometimes I forget to be the wife God has called me to be. Because I am so busy trying to fix everything, I don't always allow my husband to be who God has called him to be. And because I am such a busy body about so many things, I don't take time for myself very much. I have been trying to loose 50 lbs since January 2011. I did well, lost about 15 lbs then gained it back. Last May, I started again with a picture if myself in a bathing suit and this blog and a determination to loose the weight. Again, I gained it back. This past January, I started for the third time. To date, have see-sawed between loosing 21-28 lbs. I have definitely made progress but the journey continues.
I am learning to love the new me. It is excited to put on smaller clothes. I still have set backs, but it is easier to re-focus my energy because not only am I changing physically, I am growing spiritually. I am learning to love me and take care of myself. I spend more time than every before sitting at the feet of my Lord and He is helping me to let go of somethings and allow Him to take care of it. It is liberating and scary all at the same time.
So ask yourself, where is your focus? Is your focus on you and how you can fix things or on how will Jesus allow you to work through things? Do you have the faith to allow Jesus to lead you out of the Martha mentality and into a Mary moment?
This morning our sermon was on faith or more more general, where is your focus? You know we all try to live a good moral life and probably follow the "golden rule" We all like to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us", or do we. There is a lot of gossip we participate in but get upset when we are the FOCUS of the gossip. We all want to win a million dollars but get upset when someone we deem as "undeserving" gets the lucky break and becomes the FOCUS of the millions.
Take a look at Mary and Martha from Luke 10: 38-42. Martha was busy making things ready for Jesus' visit. Cooking, cleaning, being a good hostess. She was doing all the work and Mary was doing nothing. She was just sitting there. It is no wonder Martha got upset. It was not fair. Why should she get stuck doing all the manual labor while Mary gets to enjoy the company? I bet we all feel that way at times. I know I do. I feel like no one does anything and it is up to me. As parents, we run ourselves ragged trying to get our children to all the different events and activities the have going on, including church activities and work and your spouses activities. Sometimes, it can be very taxing on a person to feel like all that pressure is on them. All this pressure and stress can leave us stressed out, depressed, filled with anxiety, frustrated and overwhelmed and leave energy to take care of ourselves.
In James 2:8, we learn that we need to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The problem is, if we are so stressed, anxious, frustrated and overwhelmed and possibly even down right miserable, how can we love or take care of ourselves. If we can't take care of ourselves and we don't love ourselves, we are not going to truly love others.
In Martha's case, she was so busy taking care of the house, trying to please everyone that she forgot her focus should have been on Jesus who was sitting in her living room. She didn't stop to spend time with the Lord, sit as His feet and listen to his teachings. She was upset and even asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her since Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to what He was saying. She was not concerned about the food that needed cooked or the bathroom that needed cleaned or the clothes that needed washed. She was only concerned with what was right there in front of her. She was fulfilling her spiritual need because the opportunity was right there, the rest will still be there later. Even Jesus told Martha that she was worried and trouble about many things, but only one thing was needed and Mary has chosen that and he would not take that from here.
I tend to be a Martha in my marriage. I am so busy trying to fix things, making things right, making sure the bills get paid that sometimes I forget to be the wife God has called me to be. Because I am so busy trying to fix everything, I don't always allow my husband to be who God has called him to be. And because I am such a busy body about so many things, I don't take time for myself very much. I have been trying to loose 50 lbs since January 2011. I did well, lost about 15 lbs then gained it back. Last May, I started again with a picture if myself in a bathing suit and this blog and a determination to loose the weight. Again, I gained it back. This past January, I started for the third time. To date, have see-sawed between loosing 21-28 lbs. I have definitely made progress but the journey continues.
I am learning to love the new me. It is excited to put on smaller clothes. I still have set backs, but it is easier to re-focus my energy because not only am I changing physically, I am growing spiritually. I am learning to love me and take care of myself. I spend more time than every before sitting at the feet of my Lord and He is helping me to let go of somethings and allow Him to take care of it. It is liberating and scary all at the same time.
So ask yourself, where is your focus? Is your focus on you and how you can fix things or on how will Jesus allow you to work through things? Do you have the faith to allow Jesus to lead you out of the Martha mentality and into a Mary moment?
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Sgt Major McLean / CFI
Today, as I watched my oldest daughter go through CFI (Command Formal Inspection) I realized how little time I have left to spend with her. It seems like just yesterday, she was a freshman entering the JROTC. Now she is finishing up her Junior year with rank of Sgt. Major and also Commander of the Lady Rifles Drill Team and a promising future for her Senior year.
Next week is the JROTC awards night and she will find out what awards she will be getting for her work in JROTC and what position she will hold in her LET 4 (Senior) year. She loves this stuff and wants to join the military and make it her career. In one year, she will be going off to college or directly into the military. Probably the US Air Force because she wants to be a Meteorologist and she feels this will be her best avenue to pursue that career.
I am so proud of her and how JROTC has changed her the past three years. She has gained so much more confidence and has become a much better leader through this training.
Proverbs 22:6 (NASB) tells us: Train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it. I can only hope that she will continue to grow as a young Christian woman as this new world beckons her. I still have one more year to train her up but she is becoming her own woman regardless of what I am doing at this time. I am betting that the next few years will involve more tears and prayers than the last few years, but the way she was raised and the leadership skills she is learning through JROTC, I am sure will allow her to be a woman that her father and I will be proud to call our daughter.
I Love you Gracie and will ALWAYS pray for your future!!
Next week is the JROTC awards night and she will find out what awards she will be getting for her work in JROTC and what position she will hold in her LET 4 (Senior) year. She loves this stuff and wants to join the military and make it her career. In one year, she will be going off to college or directly into the military. Probably the US Air Force because she wants to be a Meteorologist and she feels this will be her best avenue to pursue that career.
I am so proud of her and how JROTC has changed her the past three years. She has gained so much more confidence and has become a much better leader through this training.
Proverbs 22:6 (NASB) tells us: Train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it. I can only hope that she will continue to grow as a young Christian woman as this new world beckons her. I still have one more year to train her up but she is becoming her own woman regardless of what I am doing at this time. I am betting that the next few years will involve more tears and prayers than the last few years, but the way she was raised and the leadership skills she is learning through JROTC, I am sure will allow her to be a woman that her father and I will be proud to call our daughter.
I Love you Gracie and will ALWAYS pray for your future!!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter Sunday
Today is Easter and we spend the day celebrating our Risen Lord and Savior. He is no longer in the tomb, it is empty because we serve a Risen God.
I grew up eating a traditional northern Easter dinner of ham, mashed potatoes, green beans. corn, gravy, rolls and of course all kinds of Easter candy to go along with it. This year, my Easter dinner will be grilled Talapia and steamed broccoli. Later, I will begin week 1 of the Couch to 5K...AGAIN. I will conquer this, eventually.
I hope every one is enjoying their Easter Sunday. Just be careful and don't eat too much candy!
I grew up eating a traditional northern Easter dinner of ham, mashed potatoes, green beans. corn, gravy, rolls and of course all kinds of Easter candy to go along with it. This year, my Easter dinner will be grilled Talapia and steamed broccoli. Later, I will begin week 1 of the Couch to 5K...AGAIN. I will conquer this, eventually.
I hope every one is enjoying their Easter Sunday. Just be careful and don't eat too much candy!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I am a new creation
The past few weeks have been a roller coaster with the deepest drops and racing back up to the top, waiting for the next drop. It is enough to test your will and make you second guess the journey one is on. This journey I am on - to get off the couch, to become healthy, to loose weight, to become more like Christ and to determine my purpose in life, has suffered so much recently. I have hit the deep pit of depression, had a complete melt down and wound up in the ER a babbling, crying mess feeling like I just couldn't take it anymore.
But God does have a purpose in my life and those God has placed in my life are there for a reason. This spiritual journey I am on is tough, but then again, the life of Christ was not easy, either. After all, how many people do you know would allow themselves to be crucified for you!? He could have easily called the angels down to rescue Him, but He didn't. He allowed the punishment WE deserved, to be placed upon Him so we could have eternal life.
I know that the enemy is trying to distract me from the work that God is doing in my life. I have not done well lately with my dieting or exercise. I have not been the best wife and mother that I could be. I have allowed myself to believe the lies of the enemy and allowed depression to take over my life and make me feel like I am useless.
I cannot allow the things of my past to control my future. I am a child of God and today during my Bible study time, I was reading about being a new creation.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)
Once we accept Christ, He determines who we are. We cannot believe the lies of the enemy. He will only distract you, spread rumors about you and try to discredit you. The bible says that we are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come. So why is it so hard to believe that we are different and the past is past?
All we have to do is look in the Bible, God tells us who we are and we are who He says we are. We don't have to believe the lies of the enemy. We have been given new names and new purposes:
Matthew 5:13 I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:14 I am the light of the world.
John 1:12 I am a child of God.
John 15:15 I am part of the true vine, a channel (branch) of Christ's life.
John 15:15 I am Christ's friend.
John 15:16 I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.
Romans 8:14,15 I am a joint-heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him.
I Corinthians 3:16 I am a temple of God. His Spirit dwells in me.
I Corinthians 12:27 I am a member (part) of Christ's body
2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation.
2 Corinthians 5:18,19 I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation...
Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:3 I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places.
Ephesians 1:11 I am sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit who has been given as a pledge of my inheritance.
Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship created in Christ to do His work that He planned
I have noticed that my "journey off the couch to health and wellness (diet and exercise) parallel my spiritual walk. I am not sure if that is because I purposefully linked the two when I started this journey or if it is just a coincidence, but when I am not on track with one, it certainly affects the other. So with that, I am vowing to refocus my efforts, get back on track with my diet and exercise because I know a healthy body is a healthy temple of the Lord. "I WILL NOT COME DOWN OFF THIS WALL". I will stay the course and continue on this journey that is before me.
I think that we all know that life is fully of valleys and hills and we need to learn to rest of God no matter which one we are in. This is the purpose of my spiritual journey; to trust in God no matter where I am in my life. It is a journey that will not end until God calls me home. I just hope that along the way, I can be a daughter that makes a difference in others and one that will make the Father proud!
But God does have a purpose in my life and those God has placed in my life are there for a reason. This spiritual journey I am on is tough, but then again, the life of Christ was not easy, either. After all, how many people do you know would allow themselves to be crucified for you!? He could have easily called the angels down to rescue Him, but He didn't. He allowed the punishment WE deserved, to be placed upon Him so we could have eternal life.
I know that the enemy is trying to distract me from the work that God is doing in my life. I have not done well lately with my dieting or exercise. I have not been the best wife and mother that I could be. I have allowed myself to believe the lies of the enemy and allowed depression to take over my life and make me feel like I am useless.
I cannot allow the things of my past to control my future. I am a child of God and today during my Bible study time, I was reading about being a new creation.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)
Once we accept Christ, He determines who we are. We cannot believe the lies of the enemy. He will only distract you, spread rumors about you and try to discredit you. The bible says that we are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come. So why is it so hard to believe that we are different and the past is past?
All we have to do is look in the Bible, God tells us who we are and we are who He says we are. We don't have to believe the lies of the enemy. We have been given new names and new purposes:
Matthew 5:13 I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:14 I am the light of the world.
John 1:12 I am a child of God.
John 15:15 I am part of the true vine, a channel (branch) of Christ's life.
John 15:15 I am Christ's friend.
John 15:16 I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.
Romans 8:14,15 I am a joint-heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him.
I Corinthians 3:16 I am a temple of God. His Spirit dwells in me.
I Corinthians 12:27 I am a member (part) of Christ's body
2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation.
2 Corinthians 5:18,19 I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation...
Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:3 I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places.
Ephesians 1:11 I am sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit who has been given as a pledge of my inheritance.
Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship created in Christ to do His work that He planned
I don't know about you, but I am going to focus on these identities instead of the ones I have allowed the enemy to conjure up in my head.
I have noticed that my "journey off the couch to health and wellness (diet and exercise) parallel my spiritual walk. I am not sure if that is because I purposefully linked the two when I started this journey or if it is just a coincidence, but when I am not on track with one, it certainly affects the other. So with that, I am vowing to refocus my efforts, get back on track with my diet and exercise because I know a healthy body is a healthy temple of the Lord. "I WILL NOT COME DOWN OFF THIS WALL". I will stay the course and continue on this journey that is before me.
I think that we all know that life is fully of valleys and hills and we need to learn to rest of God no matter which one we are in. This is the purpose of my spiritual journey; to trust in God no matter where I am in my life. It is a journey that will not end until God calls me home. I just hope that along the way, I can be a daughter that makes a difference in others and one that will make the Father proud!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
His strength is made perfect in our weakness
During my daily quiet time and bible study I have been praying and asking God to change me; help with this weight loss, change the way I think about food but also praying for more personal and spiritual things. I want to be a person that God can use in a mighty way. I want to make a difference in my family's life, my husband's life and most importantly, I want to change my life to be a walking testimony of the love and forgiving power of Jesus Christ. I think this is something that every Christian should strive for, but He may already be doing that in ways we just don't realize.
Many of us want to change our lives, our circumstances and we expect everyone around us to change because, after all, I am a Christian, so there must be nothing wrong with me, it must be everyone else, right? Well I have read today that changing our circumstances often begins with changing ourselves. When we are willing to submit to God to change our own heart, and trust God for the outcome, we will be surprised how much better our life improves when we take our hands off the situation. This allows God to do His work - the work of restoring and healing and changing whatever needs to be changed.
Many times, we think we know what is best, but God doesn't make mistakes. We need to step back and allow God to do the work HE desires and trust that He knows what is best for us. This often may not be what we want or want we thought it should be. The thing we think will fix things is birthed in our imperfect and sinful minds and often out of God's Will for our lives. God is perfect, a healer, restorer and author of peace. He is not the author of confusion.
We may not think that God can use us until we get out of a particular situation; lets be real, we all make foolish decisions, tell lies and have bad thoughts, but as Christians, we learn to "crucify our sinful desires on a daily basis" (devotion Right Where We Are, Called Magazine, Feb 8, 2012). This is the same with me and my weight loss journey. To get right down to it, those who are overweight may be dealing with a food addiction. I would consider myself to be in that category. If this were not true, then it would be easy to turn away food and not desire it, but instead, I have to remind myself daily, why I can't eat the amount I used to or the things I used to, all the time! Sharon Jaynes writes in her devotion today that "our sinful nature never goes away; we simply become better at dominating it". I am seeing that by dominating my choices on food and the amount that I am eating, my life is changing, my body is changing and my attitudes are changing. I have been told by others that I am an inspiration to others.
So in the big picture of life, whether you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography or FOOD, you may not think that God can use you; but if you seek out God, plead with Him and truly seek repent over those strongholds in your life, God doesn't want you to stay where you are. 2 Corinthians states: "MY grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" God can use us in our weakness, it can allow us to reach others and help them to reach out to God and make them strong. "God doesn't want us to stay where we are, our (calling) is a journey. Through each stage of our struggles and growth, God is able to work through us, right where we are!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
You never let go...
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We ll live to know You here on the earth
Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We ll live to know You here on the earth
Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
~~~Matt Redman
I was sitting here this morning in my quiet time with the Lord and this song was playing in the backround and I just broke down crying. To look at me and my family, you would think we were a happy normal family. But, what you may not see is that we have trials and tribulations just like everyone else. We have financial problems, we get into fights with our children, most especially our almost 17 year old who wants to act grown, but still needs her mommy. Chuck and I may look like the happy couple married almost 18 years, but we have dark areas in our past that we would rather leave in the past. And did you know that I have been on medicine for depression, that I don't like myself very much and can't stand to see me in anything that doesn't cover nearly every inch of my body???
In all this, God has never left my side. No matter how many times I may turn my back on him, he never turns His back on me. How wonderful to have a love that will withstand any storm, any trouble, any darkness. I have realized over the years that in my darkest hour, God was always there. That time 6 years ago when I wanted to drive my car into a brick wall at high speed because of a personal trial I was going through, God prompted me to make a phone call for help and on the other line was a dear friend telling me how much she loved me and reminding me how much God loves me. Even now, God has given me a true confidant, a very Godly, wise woman, someone I can share my deepest secrets with. Someone who helps keep me grounded and always look at things through God's eyes.
Today I am down nearly 22 lbs since the first of the year, and I have finally set a date for my first 5K. It will be May 12 at the Susan G Coman 5K at Atlantic Station. It certainly has not been easy but I have made a decision to not let the things of my darkness weigh me down. I am making a change, starting with me in mind, body and soul. I feel better since I am eating better and exercising. I am beginning to see changes in my body and fitting into smaller clothes. I feel much happier and I am weaning off my medicine for depression and my quiet time with my Savior is getting better. God's perfect love IS casting our fear and I know there is a light at the end, one day there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, "Still I will praise Him". My quiet time with the Lord has become so precious to me that I almost grieve the mornings I miss it.
I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life at this time, some he has been preparing for years and others are newcomers, but everyone is special to me and I know, has a purpose in my life. These are God's gifts to me right now and I hope I can be as good for them as they are for me. My heart aches right now for one who has just lost her job. I know she has been preparing for this for sometime, as she knew the time was coming, but it is still devastating. It changes your way of life, your daily routine. I know, I have been there, but God brought me out of that dark time and he will her too. I pray that God will lift her up today, give her a clear head and a peace over that situation. This didn't take Him by surprise. There is a purpose behind this and if we wait upon the Lord, He will guide our paths. I am learning that myself and was reminded of that very thing just the other day from this same friend. Isn't it great how God works!!!
I have had years and years of troubles, pain and darkness and the one thing we all need to remember, God never let's go through the calm and through the storm, in every high and every low. All we have to do is to remember to praise Him!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Making everything new!
Well, I have lost 14 lbs since January started and I am pumped. I think I have finally realized that a short time of sacrifice will pay off in the long run. It certainly isn't easy. I have heard a 3 Musketeer bar calling my name and dreamed about eating bacon, but I WILL prevail. I have way too much at stake to falter now.
I am not saying you can't have those things, and believe me, I fully intend to, just not right now. I have to reach my goal and learn to maintain before I can (occasionally) indulge. Right now, I know that if I give in, just once, I will fail. It has happened to me before and I am determined to make this happen.
Revelation 21:5 says, "I am making everything new" and I realize that this is not specifically about me and my weight loss journey, but I still hold on to it because through this process, He is making me new. My pastor used this verse this past Sunday in a sermon on Characters: The Woman At the Well and I was meditating on the verse when I realized that even though I am already a Christian, there are things about me that He is making changes in me. I can claim this verse specifically for me. This weight loss journey isn't just about getting the weight off, but about God making a change in my life. This change is about healthy eating, and spending time with my Father in Heaven instead of always running to food when I need comfort. God is my comfort!
So, my journey continues and faith grows stronger at the same time. I may not be as the woman at the well with my sin, but God continues to seek me out, just as He did her. He offers you and me the same Living Water He offered to her. Will you allow Him to make you new as he is doing to me?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Pulling up my bootstraps.....
It has been 6 months since my last post. I feel I have failed miserably at the task I set before me last year, but I am pulling up my bootstraps and jumping back on the horse...so to speak! It is a new year and 2012 can and will be, only what I make of it. Everyone seems to start the new year with a weight loss goal but this is more than about weight loss. For me, it is about self confidence, purpose and healthy living. This is what I plan to focus on for the next 355 days left in 2012.
1) Develop my relationship with my savior
2) To be a better mother and wife to my family
3) To actually live "Financial Peace"
4) Lose 50 lbs by October
5) To run a 5K
Life is never complete on this earth. There is always something to be learned, things to improve on and relationships to develop, but there has to be a sense of purpose with all this. My journey is about being the woman God intends for me to be and to do this, I have to change from the inside out and it has to start with my relationship with my Savior and from there, my health, my husband and children.
There is a song that has been going through my head this week and it is called "Alive Again" by Matt Maher, our church band sings this and it is so uplifting to me.
I woke up in darkness
sounded by silence
oh where, where have I gone?
I woke to reality
losing its grip on me
oh where, where have I gone?
Cause I can see the light
before I see the sunrise
Chorus
You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
Late have I loved you
you waited for me,
I searched for you…
what took me so long?
I was looking outside
as if love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong
Cause I can feel the wind
before it hits my skin
Bridge
Cause I want you!
Yes, I want you,
I need you
And I’ll do what ever I have to
Just to get through
cause I love you
Yeah, I love you!
sounded by silence
oh where, where have I gone?
I woke to reality
losing its grip on me
oh where, where have I gone?
Cause I can see the light
before I see the sunrise
Chorus
You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
Late have I loved you
you waited for me,
I searched for you…
what took me so long?
I was looking outside
as if love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong
Cause I can feel the wind
before it hits my skin
Bridge
Cause I want you!
Yes, I want you,
I need you
And I’ll do what ever I have to
Just to get through
cause I love you
Yeah, I love you!
I love this song and find my self humming it all the time and as I read the words, I realize, that I AM alive again and I intend on living my life in a way that will allow Christ to shine through everything I do.
I will be blogging about this as I go along because it is beneficial for me to put it down in writing and makes me accountable to anybody who reads it. Those who know me, know I have struggled a lot over the past few years and my life is not a bed of roses, but I keep pushing forward, always trying to be the woman I know Christ wants me to be. It has not been easy, nor will it be this time, but I will press on trying to reach the goals set before me.
Paul writes in Philippians 3:13b-14 "forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
I may be taking this verse a bit out of context, but really isn't about constantly reaching for those things God has called you to do? I think it is a perfect verse for me to begin this year, for anybody who wants to seek out God's will for your life.
Until next time.
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