Obedience vs. Disobedience

"We need not fear what our disobedience will cause to happen in our life.  We should only fear what our disobedience will cause us to miss."  Lisa Terkeust

One of the quotes from Chapter 3 of  "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" has caused me to stop and ponder about my obedience/disobedience to God.  There are so many times where I can pinpoint a time where I know I was disobedient to Him because I was more interested in my wants than in the Will of God. These are certainly things as I look back, that I am not particularly proud of, but it is part of my story just the same.

I was disobedient when I did not finishing nursing school in 1993.  I was one semester away from graduating with an RN diploma and then a few more semesters to get my BSN and I quit. I needed a break! I had gone through an ugly separation and divorce during  my time in school but I knew what I wanted to do with my life; I was going to work in emergency/ cardiac medicine and do medical missions. I was able to maintain a job and decent grades all while adjusting to my new single life and I had a great Christian friend who tried her best to keep me grounded during all this turmoil. I went on vacation the summer before graduation, met a young man who was wanting to be in the ministry, didn't care that I had been divorced and we fell in love. It was then I realized how emotionally and mentally exhausted I was and I just wanted someone to love me and walk the Christian walk with me.  I wanted to be with him and make a new life.  We had planned to have me finish school then move the 800 miles to be with him, but I just couldn't wait.

After a few months of  "phone dating" ( he lived 800 miles away ), we decided that we were getting married once I finished school, but I dropped out of school, we married and within 6 weeks, I was pregnant.  Now I had always intended to just take a semester off and finish, but I had a horrible pregnancy, a sickly baby and one thing led to another and 17 years later, I finally did make it back to nursing school, but this time I finished as an LPN.  Not quite the original plan.  I always knew that God had called me to being a nurse, and had felt the pull time and time again, but I was making great money and couldn't bear to walk away from it; after running and making excuses for 15 years, God made it happen.  I got fired from a job that I did and did well,  I was well liked, respected and had recently been promoted. So it made absolutely no sense for me to be fired, except that God had opened that door for me to walk in obedience once again.  This time, I followed all the way to the finish line. There was some vindication but thinking about where I could have been after 20 years of nursing and where I was just starting out now was a little heartbreaking.  I could have been so much more for Christ if I had been obedient from the beginning.

That was just one area of my life, but there are others.  As I work through this study, I am almost ashamed at the many times I had been disobedient.  I know that God has taken those times of disobedience and has worked them out for His good and that is what I am focusing on.  I want to make sure that what I am doing now His Will and not just mine.  The path I took to get here today may not have been  the original path God had planned, but I am a nurse and I feel like I am doing mission work at the HIV clinic in which I work.  I get to show people who are often abused, misused, outcast and unloved, that someone loves them and only wants what is best for them. I know it is not much, but when you have a  patient sitting in your office crying because their own family and friends will have nothing to do with them, but you show them love and kindness,  it is such a joy to know God has placed me in this facility. For once in my life, I feel like I am right where God wants me to be and at the same time, I find little ways to share my faith with those who come my way.

It certainly isn't a foreign county that I am serving in, but I can assure you, it doesn't really matter.  What is important now is that I am seeking God in every decision I make.  Some I don't like because it is not what I want, but I am getting better and waiting on God, listening for His voice and I know the next big area God is working on is my finances.  My obedience to God is one step at time and I have already seen small blessings in the area of my finances and I keep holding on to what God has already done in my life to help me walk the next path of obedience to please Him.  I guess this can be a #saywhat moment and #amazed moment all wrapped up into one.

Romans 8:28 says that  "and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose".  I am holding on to that and I know God knows what is in my heart. I believe walking in obedience will allow God to bring new life to those areas of disobedience and make a blessing out of them.  It may not be the way I think, but in the end, it doesn't really matter.  I am finally learning to give it all to God and praying over every decision and step because I refuse to live in disobedience any longer.

I don't know where my future will take me, but I know that I will give everything I have to walk in obedience and live for Christ!!

#saywhat When you say yes to God

I began the online Bible Study last week "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" and I have been praying for God to give me chances to say Yes to him.  Sometimes we say yes to simple requests and sometimes it is BIG things.   One of the things I have said yes to is spending more time with God, more time studying and praying and more time just trying to be the person I know God wants me to be.

I am always telling my kids to trust God and things will work out. I have even been telling myself that for years. It is no secret that in 2005 my world was turned upside down and my rock bottom left me no where to go except to realize that at my bottom was my Rock, Jesus Christ.  I know that sounds a bit cliche' but it is the truth.  But even with that said, the climb back out of the deep dark pit that was rock bottom has not been an easy one.  I have had many slips and falls, but I just keep getting right back up and continue the climb.  I am learning to say yes to God to different things, not because I am comfortable, but because I trust that he will make things right.  Romans 8:28 says that "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose".  I love God and want to walk in His will and work with a Godly purpose.

So many things in my life have led me to accept that God has orchestrated my steps.  As a nurse, I thought I might work in ICU or with Open Heart patients.  But when I graduated from nursing school a few years back, I knew there were two areas that I didn't want to work in...Pediatrics and Geriatrics. I have never been fond of sick kids and I am terrified of feeding the elderly.  I prayed and prayed for a job after all, I had been unemployed for almost 2 years and since graduating from LPN school, I really needed to start working. The funny thing is the only job I was offered was at a Pediatric Clinic...Yes you heard me right....my first SAY WHAT moment!  Surely God was joking.  I took the job and for 2 years and fell in love with those kids and was glad that I had an opportunity to work there.  The job was difficult, don't get me wrong.  I went home almost every day for the first year crying because I hated it. It was difficult working with some of my co-workers, the docs were difficult and some of the patients..well, let's just say, I began praying for God to change my heart.  The greatest new is that he did.  I miss them now that I am not there; the patients, the doctors and yes, the employees.  Some of them became great spiritual inspiration for me - all because I had a say what moment with God and I said YES!!

I now work at an Public Health Clinic that cares for HIV positive patients.  It was another one of those times that I felt God was calling me and I was a little unsure what that would entail.  I didn't really know much about HIV,  and it would be less nursing procedures and more case management type. I prayed about it for months when the final offer came in and again, SAY WHAT to God, but I accepted and said yes. Immediately, some people started pushing off the "stigma" about HIV/Aids one me because of where I said I worked.  Once again, I know God was totally in this job.  I pray for my patients everyday.  Some of them are there by no fault of their own, such as a tainted blood transfusion from earlier years, some because there spouse was not faithful, and others just by chance. I have been called to a job of integrity, confidentiality and no judgement.  I have been charged, BY GOD, to love these people unconditionally, regardless of their race, sexual orientation or their financial situation. I try to live everyday in their eyes as Jesus would with acceptance of them as children of God.  I don't preach, although I do show love as Christ would and they all have no doubt of my love of Christ.

This had been an emotionally and financially tough week for me.  Aside from the horrible rain we have endured this week, I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep late today.  I have been looking forward to it all week. Our church was going to help with Habitat for Humanity and a local church soup kitchen and I had wanted to go, but decided to stay home so I could sleep, after all, I earned it.  However, while reading my daily devotional this morning, the author quoted one of my favorite quotes by Jim Elliot, a missionary to Ecuador in the 1950s and was ultimately killed by some of the people of the primitive tribe he was witnessing to.  The statement  from his journal was "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."   Now to some of you that may mean nothing, but since I have been praying for opportunities to say Yes to God, this hit me hard, because I really had wanted to go on our church's local mission project this morning, but decided I would just stay in on this lazy wet Saturday morning...until I read this.  It reminded me that I needed to go, I  need to give of my personal time to share the love of Christ.  I went and I found out that most of the activities were outside.  It rained and poured and was chilly for an August morning, but I still believe that  God blessed me through the blessing I was allowed to be apart of by helping at the food bank/ soup kitchen.  We were able to feed the people of a community that needed it and sent everyone home with a bag of groceries.  There were plenty of smiles there today and I was so glad that I said YES TO GOD again.  My heart and soul overflows today and I am glad to be a part of the kingdom of Christ.

#palmsup #saywhat #yestogod

The Future

"Do not seek to see it <the future>.  You are robbing Faith of her sublime sweetness if you do this.  Just know that all is well and that Faith, not seeing but believing, is what will bear you to safety over the stormy waters." 

Lysa Terkeurst, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God

I have had to live by this statement for the past 8 years and I didn't even realize it until I read it on Monday.  When we  try to make plans for our future, there is nothing wrong with doing what we can to make those plans become a reality.  But sometimes, life happens and plans just don't go the way we expect them to. Does this mean that we just throw in the towel and forget about it?  Certainly not!!  If a plan is thought out and prayed over and guided by God, you can almost bet there will be bumps along the way, but you will get there in HIS time.
Initially, we  may react in a human way to things that come along, after all, we ARE human with a human nature...just the way God designed us. As a human,  born of the flesh, our future is most assuredly, uncertain.  It is enough to drive the most sane person, insane, if allowed to dwell on  it.  I have been down that road so many times and a few times nearly cost me a short vacation to crazy ville with a deluxe suite and some seriously relaxing medications!!

This was my stormy water. A time when I suffered a blow so severe to my life, that I did not have any idea what my future was going to be.  I could not see past the hand in front of my face and all I had was my Faith.

Fortunately, I DO walk with Christ and while I may have been down for a brief moment in time, I do not allow myself to stay in that dark place for long.  I have learned that my Faith and love for Christ is the only way to keep that smile on my face and the very thing that keeps me going.

I realize that the thing that put me down all those years ago, is the very thing that now has enabled my strength and continued Faith.  Sounds kind of backwards, but we can't let the past define out future.  We can't let someone else dictate our future.  God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for us.  Plans  to prosper us, not to harm us. He has plans to give us a future filled with hope.  

Often times, we allow ourselves to get in our own way.  We try to fix things that we have no business trying to fix. The best thing for us to do is move aside for our own good and give it to God; He already knows the future!!  This reminds me of the story when Peter walked on the water to get to Jesus in Matthew 14:22-31.   The disciples were out in the boat, and Jesus was walking out to them and they were terrified because they thought they were seeing a ghost.   

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Peter allowed his surroundings to bring fear into his life, and when reality hit, he realized that he should NOT be able to walk on the water and began to sink. Verse 30 says that he saw the wind...I believe that he took his eyes off of Jesus and when he did, he began to sink.  

Life is like that, we take our focus, our eyes, our purpose, off of what Jesus has called us to do because of some bump in the road and it can cause  detrimental consequences.  We must keep our eyes on God, we must allow our FAITH to lead the way.  Not everything makes sense, it certainly didn't make sense that  Peter could walk on water, but with the help of Jesus, he did!!

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?"  We have to trust God for our future and allow the trials and tribulations we have gone through to define our strength and resolve through Faith, and not let those same trials and tribulations dictate our future.

Just remember that faith is what will carry you through the stormy water and God's hand will be there to catch you...YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE!!

#yestoGod #saywhat #palmsup

A love fit for God

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  Deuteronomy 6:5

One of our "assignments" during my Bible study this week was to try verse mapping.  I find the concept to be a great way to study a verse.  It helps to truly understand it, apply it to your life and it helps you to remember it in a way that is meaningful to you.

For this verse, I chose a few words that stand out to me: LOVE, YOUR, WITH ALL, and then [HEART, SOUL, STRENGTH]

LOVE is commanded by the Lord; the first and greatest commandment, something we do, an action and intense desire; something to thrive on.  In 1 Kings, Solomon 'showed his love for the Lord by walking according to the instructions given him by his father, David'. Psalm 136 says His love endures forever and in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, we are told all the things that love is and is not but verse 13 states, "And now these three remain; faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love. The word love is mentioned more than 500 times in the Bible, this word is so important it has it's own chapter and this is the very thing we are commanded to do to the Lord!!!  

YOUR simply put means something personal, mine, accessible and not untouchable.  He is the God of the universe, but he is MY God.  As the hymn goes, "And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tell me I am His own, and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known"  God knows ME, so much so that we can have joy and conversation and walks.  I don't know about you, but that seems like a pretty close relationship, not someone you should be afraid to go to or spend time with.

WITH ALL means complete surrender, immerse, entire or the whole, or when a little just won't do.  Love in itself is a pretty powerful word and can be a verb, a noun or an adjective in this verse, it is not to be taken lightly.  We are to completely immerse ourselves, give our entire being into loving God.  That is no small request.  Easy enough, but not to be taken lightly.  

Now the HEART is our life force, the very thing that keeps us alive physically. where your passion is, what drives us to do something. Proverbs 4:23 "guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it".   A persons hearts reveals the image of who he really is at deeper level than the surface. It can affect the way we see things, the way we think and feel about things and our will.  Matthew 9:4 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, "why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"  Jeremiah 17:9 "the heart is deceitful". Our heart allows us to be exposed and vulnerable. Psalm 37:4 says "delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" and Hebrews 4:12b says "it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the hearts"

SOUL is a person's moral or emotional nature; a sense of identity.  A person's total self and regarded as a distinct separate entity from the body or the spiritual part of a human. Look at Matthew 10:28 "Do not be afraid of those kill the body but cannot kill the soul"

STRENGTH is the physical power and energy, source of power or force, intensity.  Courage, power of reason, influence or authority.  We are told that our strength comes from the Lord but with this power, we are to use that authority or influence to love God.  Joshua was told to 'Be strong and Courageous', Joshua 1:9, Paul says that 'the Lord stood by me and strengthened me' 1 Timothy 4:17 and David 'strengthened himself in the Lord his God'. 1 Samuel 30:6. 

Deuteronomy 6:5 is a powerful verse, indeed.  It is not something we can do haphazardly.  It requires thought, intellect, emotion, authority and intensity; all rolled up into a relationship that can be as natural as breathing if we allow it. 

 Just imagine how important breathing is to our body, we need it, we desire it and we want it.  Unless we are ill with some respiratory disease or condition, we don't even think about it. It just happens.  Now I am over weight and seriously out of shape.  I have been saying that I am going to run a 5K for 2 years and have yet to do it.  I start and it is hard, I have a hard time breathing.  The longer I stay with it, the easier it becomes, I am be bopping along, enjoying the progress, then something happens and I stop only to loose all the progress I had made.  After several months, I may start again, Beginning at the beginning means struggling to condition my body and lungs for the intensity of breathing while running.

With the analogy of training to run, I can relate to this verse.  When we first find and accept Jesus, Loving Him can be as easy as sitting on the couch relaxing and breathing, but then a crisis happens and our faith is tested.  If we continue to Love God with all our heart, with all our soul and with all our strength and not waiver, we will press on toward the goal but if we give up, turn out backs on him, it may very well feel like we have  failed and need to start over again. And when we do, our heavenly Father will be there waiting on us to fall in love again.

Father, help to always love you with all my heart, my soul and strength.  Help me to love others as you have instructed us to love you so they may see you through me. I pray that I will always guard my heart against that which is displeasing to you, and keep my eyes focused on heavenly things.  Help me to be strong enough to withstand the negative things that constantly bombard our lives every day so that I may keep my focus on you.
Thank you for loving me enough to die on the cross for my sins so that I may have eternal life with you.