Obedience vs. Disobedience

"We need not fear what our disobedience will cause to happen in our life.  We should only fear what our disobedience will cause us to miss."  Lisa Terkeust

One of the quotes from Chapter 3 of  "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" has caused me to stop and ponder about my obedience/disobedience to God.  There are so many times where I can pinpoint a time where I know I was disobedient to Him because I was more interested in my wants than in the Will of God. These are certainly things as I look back, that I am not particularly proud of, but it is part of my story just the same.

I was disobedient when I did not finishing nursing school in 1993.  I was one semester away from graduating with an RN diploma and then a few more semesters to get my BSN and I quit. I needed a break! I had gone through an ugly separation and divorce during  my time in school but I knew what I wanted to do with my life; I was going to work in emergency/ cardiac medicine and do medical missions. I was able to maintain a job and decent grades all while adjusting to my new single life and I had a great Christian friend who tried her best to keep me grounded during all this turmoil. I went on vacation the summer before graduation, met a young man who was wanting to be in the ministry, didn't care that I had been divorced and we fell in love. It was then I realized how emotionally and mentally exhausted I was and I just wanted someone to love me and walk the Christian walk with me.  I wanted to be with him and make a new life.  We had planned to have me finish school then move the 800 miles to be with him, but I just couldn't wait.

After a few months of  "phone dating" ( he lived 800 miles away ), we decided that we were getting married once I finished school, but I dropped out of school, we married and within 6 weeks, I was pregnant.  Now I had always intended to just take a semester off and finish, but I had a horrible pregnancy, a sickly baby and one thing led to another and 17 years later, I finally did make it back to nursing school, but this time I finished as an LPN.  Not quite the original plan.  I always knew that God had called me to being a nurse, and had felt the pull time and time again, but I was making great money and couldn't bear to walk away from it; after running and making excuses for 15 years, God made it happen.  I got fired from a job that I did and did well,  I was well liked, respected and had recently been promoted. So it made absolutely no sense for me to be fired, except that God had opened that door for me to walk in obedience once again.  This time, I followed all the way to the finish line. There was some vindication but thinking about where I could have been after 20 years of nursing and where I was just starting out now was a little heartbreaking.  I could have been so much more for Christ if I had been obedient from the beginning.

That was just one area of my life, but there are others.  As I work through this study, I am almost ashamed at the many times I had been disobedient.  I know that God has taken those times of disobedience and has worked them out for His good and that is what I am focusing on.  I want to make sure that what I am doing now His Will and not just mine.  The path I took to get here today may not have been  the original path God had planned, but I am a nurse and I feel like I am doing mission work at the HIV clinic in which I work.  I get to show people who are often abused, misused, outcast and unloved, that someone loves them and only wants what is best for them. I know it is not much, but when you have a  patient sitting in your office crying because their own family and friends will have nothing to do with them, but you show them love and kindness,  it is such a joy to know God has placed me in this facility. For once in my life, I feel like I am right where God wants me to be and at the same time, I find little ways to share my faith with those who come my way.

It certainly isn't a foreign county that I am serving in, but I can assure you, it doesn't really matter.  What is important now is that I am seeking God in every decision I make.  Some I don't like because it is not what I want, but I am getting better and waiting on God, listening for His voice and I know the next big area God is working on is my finances.  My obedience to God is one step at time and I have already seen small blessings in the area of my finances and I keep holding on to what God has already done in my life to help me walk the next path of obedience to please Him.  I guess this can be a #saywhat moment and #amazed moment all wrapped up into one.

Romans 8:28 says that  "and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose".  I am holding on to that and I know God knows what is in my heart. I believe walking in obedience will allow God to bring new life to those areas of disobedience and make a blessing out of them.  It may not be the way I think, but in the end, it doesn't really matter.  I am finally learning to give it all to God and praying over every decision and step because I refuse to live in disobedience any longer.

I don't know where my future will take me, but I know that I will give everything I have to walk in obedience and live for Christ!!