Where's the Focus?

I have had so many things on my mind lately I am not sure where to begin.

This morning our sermon was on faith or more more general, where is your focus?  You know we all try to live a good moral life and probably follow the "golden rule"  We all like to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us", or do we.  There is a lot of gossip we participate in but get upset when we are the FOCUS of the gossip.  We all want to win a million dollars but get upset when someone we deem as "undeserving" gets the lucky break and becomes the FOCUS of the millions.

Take a look at Mary and Martha from Luke 10: 38-42.  Martha was busy making things ready for Jesus' visit. Cooking, cleaning, being a good hostess.  She was doing all the work and Mary was doing nothing.  She was just sitting there.  It is no wonder Martha got upset.  It was not fair.  Why should she get stuck doing all the manual labor while Mary gets to enjoy the company?  I bet we all feel that way at times.  I know I do.  I feel  like no one does anything and it is up to me.  As parents, we run ourselves ragged trying to get our children to all the different events and activities the have going on, including church activities and work and your spouses activities.  Sometimes, it can be very taxing on a person to feel like all that pressure is on them.  All this pressure and stress can leave us stressed out, depressed, filled with anxiety, frustrated and overwhelmed and leave energy to take care of ourselves.

In James 2:8, we learn that we need to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.  The problem is, if we are so stressed, anxious, frustrated and overwhelmed and possibly even down right miserable, how can we love or take care of ourselves.  If we can't take care of ourselves and we don't love ourselves, we are not going to truly love others.

In Martha's case, she was so busy taking care of the house, trying to please everyone that she forgot her focus should have been on Jesus who was sitting in her living room.  She didn't stop to spend time with the Lord, sit as His feet and listen to his teachings.  She was upset and even asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her since Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to what He was saying.  She was not concerned about the food that needed cooked or the bathroom that needed cleaned or the clothes that needed washed.  She was only concerned with what was right there in front of her. She was fulfilling her spiritual need because the opportunity was right there, the rest will still be there later. Even Jesus told Martha that she was worried and trouble about many things, but only one thing was needed and Mary has chosen that and he would not take that from here.

I tend to be a Martha in my marriage.  I am so busy trying to fix things, making things right, making sure the bills get paid that sometimes I forget to be the wife God has called me to be.  Because I am so busy trying to fix everything, I don't always allow my husband to be who God has called him to be.  And because I am such a busy body about so many things, I don't take time for myself very much.  I have been trying to loose 50 lbs since January 2011.  I did well, lost about 15 lbs then gained it back.  Last May, I started again with a picture if myself in a bathing suit and this blog and a determination to loose the weight.  Again, I gained it back.  This past January, I started for the third time.  To date,  have see-sawed between loosing 21-28 lbs. I have definitely made progress but the journey continues.

I am learning to love the new me. It is excited to put on smaller clothes.  I still have set backs, but it is easier to re-focus my energy because not only am I changing physically, I am growing spiritually.  I am learning to love me and take care of myself. I spend more time than every before sitting at the feet of my Lord and He is helping me to let go of somethings and allow Him to take care of it.  It is liberating and scary all at the same time.

So ask yourself, where is your focus? Is your focus  on you and how you can fix things or on how will Jesus allow you to work through things? Do you have the faith to allow Jesus to lead you out of the Martha mentality and into a Mary moment?

Sgt Major McLean / CFI

Today, as I watched my oldest daughter go through CFI (Command Formal Inspection) I realized how little time I have left to spend with her.  It seems like just yesterday, she was a freshman entering the JROTC. Now she is finishing  up her Junior year with rank of Sgt. Major and also Commander of the Lady Rifles Drill Team and a promising future for her Senior year. 


Next week is the JROTC awards night and she will find out what awards she will be getting for her work in JROTC and what position she will hold in her LET 4 (Senior) year.  She loves this stuff and wants to join the military and make it her career.  In one year, she will be going off to college or directly into the military.  Probably the US Air Force because she wants to be a Meteorologist and she feels this will be her best avenue to pursue that career.  


I am so proud of her and how JROTC has changed her the past three years.  She has gained so much more confidence and has become a much better leader through this training.

Proverbs 22:6 (NASB) tells us: Train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it.  I can only hope that she will continue to grow as a young Christian woman as this new world beckons her.  I still have one more year to train her up but she is becoming her own woman regardless of what I am doing at this time.  I am betting that the next few years will involve more tears and prayers than the last few years, but the way she was raised and the leadership skills she is learning through JROTC, I am sure will allow her to be a woman that her father and I will be proud to call our daughter.  


I Love you Gracie and will ALWAYS pray for your future!!

Easter Sunday

Today is Easter and we spend the day celebrating our Risen Lord and Savior.  He is no longer in the tomb, it is empty because we serve a Risen God.

I grew up eating a traditional northern Easter dinner of ham, mashed potatoes, green beans. corn, gravy, rolls and of course all kinds of Easter candy to go along with it.  This year, my Easter dinner will be grilled Talapia and steamed broccoli.  Later, I will begin week 1 of the Couch to 5K...AGAIN.  I will conquer this, eventually.

I hope every one is enjoying their Easter Sunday.  Just be careful and don't eat too much candy!

woo hoo!!!

MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

I am a new creation

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster with the deepest drops and racing back up to the top, waiting for the next drop. It is enough to test your will and make you second guess the journey one is on. This journey I am on - to get off the couch, to become healthy, to loose weight, to become more like Christ and to determine my purpose in life, has suffered so much recently. I have hit the deep pit of depression, had a complete melt down and wound up in the ER a babbling, crying mess feeling like I just couldn't take it anymore.

But God does have a purpose in my life and those God has placed in my life are there for a reason. This spiritual journey I am on is tough, but then again, the life of Christ was not easy, either. After all, how many people do you know would allow themselves to be crucified for you!? He could have easily called the angels down to rescue Him, but He didn't. He allowed the punishment WE deserved, to be placed upon Him so we could have eternal life.

I know that the enemy is trying to distract me from the work that God is doing in my life. I have not done well lately with my dieting or exercise. I have not been the best wife and mother that I could be. I have allowed myself to believe the lies of the enemy and allowed depression to take over my life and make me feel like I am useless.

I cannot allow the things of my past to control my future. I am a child of God and today during my Bible study time, I was reading about being a new creation.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Once we accept Christ, He determines who we are. We cannot believe the lies of the enemy. He will only distract you, spread rumors about you and try to discredit you. The bible says that we are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come. So why is it so hard to believe that we are different and the past is past?

All we have to do is look in the Bible, God tells us who we are and we are who He says we are. We don't have to believe the lies of the enemy. We have been given new names and new purposes:

Matthew 5:13 I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:14 I am the light of the world.
John 1:12 I am a child of God.
John 15:15 I am part of the true vine, a channel (branch) of Christ's life.
John 15:15 I am Christ's friend.
John 15:16 I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.
Romans 8:14,15 I am a joint-heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him.
I Corinthians 3:16 I am a temple of God. His Spirit dwells in me.
I Corinthians 12:27 I am a member (part) of Christ's body
2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation.
2 Corinthians 5:18,19 I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation...
Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:3 I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places.
Ephesians 1:11 I am sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit who has been given as a pledge of my inheritance.
Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship created in Christ to do His work that He planned

I don't know about you, but I am going to focus on these identities instead of the ones I have allowed the enemy to conjure up in my head.

I have noticed that my "journey off the couch to health and wellness (diet and exercise) parallel my spiritual walk. I am not sure if that is because I purposefully linked the two when I started this journey or if it is just a coincidence, but when I am not on track with one, it certainly affects the other. So with that, I am vowing to refocus my efforts, get back on track with my diet and exercise because I know a healthy body is a healthy temple of the Lord. "I WILL NOT COME DOWN OFF THIS WALL". I will stay the course and continue on this journey that is before me.

I think that we all know that life is fully of valleys and hills and we need to learn to rest of God no matter which one we are in. This is the purpose of my spiritual journey; to trust in God no matter where I am in my life. It is a journey that will not end until God calls me home. I just hope that along the way, I can be a daughter that makes a difference in others and one that will make the Father proud!

His strength is made perfect in our weakness

During my daily quiet time and bible study I have been praying and asking God to change me; help with this weight loss, change the way I think about food but also praying for more personal and spiritual things. I want to be a person that God can use in a mighty way. I want to make a difference in my family's life, my husband's life and most importantly, I want to change my life to be a walking testimony of the love and forgiving power of Jesus Christ. I think this is something that every Christian should strive for, but He may already be doing that in ways we just don't realize.

Many of us want to change our lives, our circumstances and we expect everyone around us to change because, after all, I am a Christian, so there must be nothing wrong with me, it must be everyone else, right? Well I have read today that changing our circumstances often begins with changing ourselves. When we are willing to submit to God to change our own heart, and trust God for the outcome, we will be surprised how much better our life improves when we take our hands off the situation. This allows God to do His work - the work of restoring and healing and changing whatever needs to be changed.

Many times, we think we know what is best, but God doesn't make mistakes. We need to step back and allow God to do the work HE desires and trust that He knows what is best for us. This often may not be what we want or want we thought it should be. The thing we think will fix things is birthed in our imperfect and sinful minds and often out of God's Will for our lives. God is perfect, a healer, restorer and author of peace. He is not the author of confusion.

We may not think that God can use us until we get out of a particular situation; lets be real, we all make foolish decisions, tell lies and have bad thoughts, but as Christians, we learn to "crucify our sinful desires on a daily basis" (devotion Right Where We Are, Called Magazine, Feb 8, 2012). This is the same with me and my weight loss journey. To get right down to it, those who are overweight may be dealing with a food addiction. I would consider myself to be in that category. If this were not true, then it would be easy to turn away food and not desire it, but instead, I have to remind myself daily, why I can't eat the amount I used to or the things I used to, all the time! Sharon Jaynes writes in her devotion today that "our sinful nature never goes away; we simply become better at dominating it". I am seeing that by dominating my choices on food and the amount that I am eating, my life is changing, my body is changing and my attitudes are changing. I have been told by others that I am an inspiration to others.

So in the big picture of life, whether you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography or FOOD, you may not think that God can use you; but if you seek out God, plead with Him and truly seek repent over those strongholds in your life, God doesn't want you to stay where you are. 2 Corinthians states: "MY grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" God can use us in our weakness, it can allow us to reach others and help them to reach out to God and make them strong. "God doesn't want us to stay where we are, our (calling) is a journey. Through each stage of our struggles and growth, God is able to work through us, right where we are!!

You never let go...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

~~~Matt Redman

I was sitting here this morning in my quiet time with the Lord and this song was playing in the backround and I just broke down crying. To look at me and my family, you would think we were a happy normal family. But, what you may not see is that we have trials and tribulations just like everyone else. We have financial problems, we get into fights with our children, most especially our almost 17 year old who wants to act grown, but still needs her mommy. Chuck and I may look like the happy couple married almost 18 years, but we have dark areas in our past that we would rather leave in the past. And did you know that I have been on medicine for depression, that I don't like myself very much and can't stand to see me in anything that doesn't cover nearly every inch of my body???

In all this, God has never left my side. No matter how many times I may turn my back on him, he never turns His back on me. How wonderful to have a love that will withstand any storm, any trouble, any darkness. I have realized over the years that in my darkest hour, God was always there. That time 6 years ago when I wanted to drive my car into a brick wall at high speed because of a personal trial I was going through, God prompted me to make a phone call for help and on the other line was a dear friend telling me how much she loved me and reminding me how much God loves me. Even now, God has given me a true confidant, a very Godly, wise woman, someone I can share my deepest secrets with. Someone who helps keep me grounded and always look at things through God's eyes.

Today I am down nearly 22 lbs since the first of the year, and I have finally set a date for my first 5K. It will be May 12 at the Susan G Coman 5K at Atlantic Station. It certainly has not been easy but I have made a decision to not let the things of my darkness weigh me down. I am making a change, starting with me in mind, body and soul. I feel better since I am eating better and exercising. I am beginning to see changes in my body and fitting into smaller clothes. I feel much happier and I am weaning off my medicine for depression and my quiet time with my Savior is getting better. God's perfect love IS casting our fear and I know there is a light at the end, one day there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, "Still I will praise Him". My quiet time with the Lord has become so precious to me that I almost grieve the mornings I miss it.

I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life at this time, some he has been preparing for years and others are newcomers, but everyone is special to me and I know, has a purpose in my life. These are God's gifts to me right now and I hope I can be as good for them as they are for me. My heart aches right now for one who has just lost her job. I know she has been preparing for this for sometime, as she knew the time was coming, but it is still devastating. It changes your way of life, your daily routine. I know, I have been there, but God brought me out of that dark time and he will her too. I pray that God will lift her up today, give her a clear head and a peace over that situation. This didn't take Him by surprise. There is a purpose behind this and if we wait upon the Lord, He will guide our paths. I am learning that myself and was reminded of that very thing just the other day from this same friend. Isn't it great how God works!!!

I have had years and years of troubles, pain and darkness and the one thing we all need to remember, God never let's go through the calm and through the storm, in every high and every low. All we have to do is to remember to praise Him!!