Easter Sunday

Today is Easter and we spend the day celebrating our Risen Lord and Savior.  He is no longer in the tomb, it is empty because we serve a Risen God.

I grew up eating a traditional northern Easter dinner of ham, mashed potatoes, green beans. corn, gravy, rolls and of course all kinds of Easter candy to go along with it.  This year, my Easter dinner will be grilled Talapia and steamed broccoli.  Later, I will begin week 1 of the Couch to 5K...AGAIN.  I will conquer this, eventually.

I hope every one is enjoying their Easter Sunday.  Just be careful and don't eat too much candy!

woo hoo!!!

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I am a new creation

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster with the deepest drops and racing back up to the top, waiting for the next drop. It is enough to test your will and make you second guess the journey one is on. This journey I am on - to get off the couch, to become healthy, to loose weight, to become more like Christ and to determine my purpose in life, has suffered so much recently. I have hit the deep pit of depression, had a complete melt down and wound up in the ER a babbling, crying mess feeling like I just couldn't take it anymore.

But God does have a purpose in my life and those God has placed in my life are there for a reason. This spiritual journey I am on is tough, but then again, the life of Christ was not easy, either. After all, how many people do you know would allow themselves to be crucified for you!? He could have easily called the angels down to rescue Him, but He didn't. He allowed the punishment WE deserved, to be placed upon Him so we could have eternal life.

I know that the enemy is trying to distract me from the work that God is doing in my life. I have not done well lately with my dieting or exercise. I have not been the best wife and mother that I could be. I have allowed myself to believe the lies of the enemy and allowed depression to take over my life and make me feel like I am useless.

I cannot allow the things of my past to control my future. I am a child of God and today during my Bible study time, I was reading about being a new creation.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Once we accept Christ, He determines who we are. We cannot believe the lies of the enemy. He will only distract you, spread rumors about you and try to discredit you. The bible says that we are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come. So why is it so hard to believe that we are different and the past is past?

All we have to do is look in the Bible, God tells us who we are and we are who He says we are. We don't have to believe the lies of the enemy. We have been given new names and new purposes:

Matthew 5:13 I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:14 I am the light of the world.
John 1:12 I am a child of God.
John 15:15 I am part of the true vine, a channel (branch) of Christ's life.
John 15:15 I am Christ's friend.
John 15:16 I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.
Romans 8:14,15 I am a joint-heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him.
I Corinthians 3:16 I am a temple of God. His Spirit dwells in me.
I Corinthians 12:27 I am a member (part) of Christ's body
2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation.
2 Corinthians 5:18,19 I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation...
Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:3 I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places.
Ephesians 1:11 I am sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit who has been given as a pledge of my inheritance.
Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship created in Christ to do His work that He planned

I don't know about you, but I am going to focus on these identities instead of the ones I have allowed the enemy to conjure up in my head.

I have noticed that my "journey off the couch to health and wellness (diet and exercise) parallel my spiritual walk. I am not sure if that is because I purposefully linked the two when I started this journey or if it is just a coincidence, but when I am not on track with one, it certainly affects the other. So with that, I am vowing to refocus my efforts, get back on track with my diet and exercise because I know a healthy body is a healthy temple of the Lord. "I WILL NOT COME DOWN OFF THIS WALL". I will stay the course and continue on this journey that is before me.

I think that we all know that life is fully of valleys and hills and we need to learn to rest of God no matter which one we are in. This is the purpose of my spiritual journey; to trust in God no matter where I am in my life. It is a journey that will not end until God calls me home. I just hope that along the way, I can be a daughter that makes a difference in others and one that will make the Father proud!

His strength is made perfect in our weakness

During my daily quiet time and bible study I have been praying and asking God to change me; help with this weight loss, change the way I think about food but also praying for more personal and spiritual things. I want to be a person that God can use in a mighty way. I want to make a difference in my family's life, my husband's life and most importantly, I want to change my life to be a walking testimony of the love and forgiving power of Jesus Christ. I think this is something that every Christian should strive for, but He may already be doing that in ways we just don't realize.

Many of us want to change our lives, our circumstances and we expect everyone around us to change because, after all, I am a Christian, so there must be nothing wrong with me, it must be everyone else, right? Well I have read today that changing our circumstances often begins with changing ourselves. When we are willing to submit to God to change our own heart, and trust God for the outcome, we will be surprised how much better our life improves when we take our hands off the situation. This allows God to do His work - the work of restoring and healing and changing whatever needs to be changed.

Many times, we think we know what is best, but God doesn't make mistakes. We need to step back and allow God to do the work HE desires and trust that He knows what is best for us. This often may not be what we want or want we thought it should be. The thing we think will fix things is birthed in our imperfect and sinful minds and often out of God's Will for our lives. God is perfect, a healer, restorer and author of peace. He is not the author of confusion.

We may not think that God can use us until we get out of a particular situation; lets be real, we all make foolish decisions, tell lies and have bad thoughts, but as Christians, we learn to "crucify our sinful desires on a daily basis" (devotion Right Where We Are, Called Magazine, Feb 8, 2012). This is the same with me and my weight loss journey. To get right down to it, those who are overweight may be dealing with a food addiction. I would consider myself to be in that category. If this were not true, then it would be easy to turn away food and not desire it, but instead, I have to remind myself daily, why I can't eat the amount I used to or the things I used to, all the time! Sharon Jaynes writes in her devotion today that "our sinful nature never goes away; we simply become better at dominating it". I am seeing that by dominating my choices on food and the amount that I am eating, my life is changing, my body is changing and my attitudes are changing. I have been told by others that I am an inspiration to others.

So in the big picture of life, whether you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography or FOOD, you may not think that God can use you; but if you seek out God, plead with Him and truly seek repent over those strongholds in your life, God doesn't want you to stay where you are. 2 Corinthians states: "MY grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" God can use us in our weakness, it can allow us to reach others and help them to reach out to God and make them strong. "God doesn't want us to stay where we are, our (calling) is a journey. Through each stage of our struggles and growth, God is able to work through us, right where we are!!

You never let go...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

~~~Matt Redman

I was sitting here this morning in my quiet time with the Lord and this song was playing in the backround and I just broke down crying. To look at me and my family, you would think we were a happy normal family. But, what you may not see is that we have trials and tribulations just like everyone else. We have financial problems, we get into fights with our children, most especially our almost 17 year old who wants to act grown, but still needs her mommy. Chuck and I may look like the happy couple married almost 18 years, but we have dark areas in our past that we would rather leave in the past. And did you know that I have been on medicine for depression, that I don't like myself very much and can't stand to see me in anything that doesn't cover nearly every inch of my body???

In all this, God has never left my side. No matter how many times I may turn my back on him, he never turns His back on me. How wonderful to have a love that will withstand any storm, any trouble, any darkness. I have realized over the years that in my darkest hour, God was always there. That time 6 years ago when I wanted to drive my car into a brick wall at high speed because of a personal trial I was going through, God prompted me to make a phone call for help and on the other line was a dear friend telling me how much she loved me and reminding me how much God loves me. Even now, God has given me a true confidant, a very Godly, wise woman, someone I can share my deepest secrets with. Someone who helps keep me grounded and always look at things through God's eyes.

Today I am down nearly 22 lbs since the first of the year, and I have finally set a date for my first 5K. It will be May 12 at the Susan G Coman 5K at Atlantic Station. It certainly has not been easy but I have made a decision to not let the things of my darkness weigh me down. I am making a change, starting with me in mind, body and soul. I feel better since I am eating better and exercising. I am beginning to see changes in my body and fitting into smaller clothes. I feel much happier and I am weaning off my medicine for depression and my quiet time with my Savior is getting better. God's perfect love IS casting our fear and I know there is a light at the end, one day there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, "Still I will praise Him". My quiet time with the Lord has become so precious to me that I almost grieve the mornings I miss it.

I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life at this time, some he has been preparing for years and others are newcomers, but everyone is special to me and I know, has a purpose in my life. These are God's gifts to me right now and I hope I can be as good for them as they are for me. My heart aches right now for one who has just lost her job. I know she has been preparing for this for sometime, as she knew the time was coming, but it is still devastating. It changes your way of life, your daily routine. I know, I have been there, but God brought me out of that dark time and he will her too. I pray that God will lift her up today, give her a clear head and a peace over that situation. This didn't take Him by surprise. There is a purpose behind this and if we wait upon the Lord, He will guide our paths. I am learning that myself and was reminded of that very thing just the other day from this same friend. Isn't it great how God works!!!

I have had years and years of troubles, pain and darkness and the one thing we all need to remember, God never let's go through the calm and through the storm, in every high and every low. All we have to do is to remember to praise Him!!

Making everything new!

Well, I have lost 14 lbs since January started and I am pumped. I think I have finally realized that a short time of sacrifice will pay off in the long run. It certainly isn't easy. I have heard a 3 Musketeer bar calling my name and dreamed about eating bacon, but I WILL prevail. I have way too much at stake to falter now.

I am not saying you can't have those things, and believe me, I fully intend to, just not right now. I have to reach my goal and learn to maintain before I can (occasionally) indulge. Right now, I know that if I give in, just once, I will fail. It has happened to me before and I am determined to make this happen.

Revelation 21:5 says, "I am making everything new" and I realize that this is not specifically about me and my weight loss journey, but I still hold on to it because through this process, He is making me new. My pastor used this verse this past Sunday in a sermon on Characters: The Woman At the Well and I was meditating on the verse when I realized that even though I am already a Christian, there are things about me that He is making changes in me. I can claim this verse specifically for me. This weight loss journey isn't just about getting the weight off, but about God making a change in my life. This change is about healthy eating, and spending time with my Father in Heaven instead of always running to food when I need comfort. God is my comfort!

So, my journey continues and faith grows stronger at the same time. I may not be as the woman at the well with my sin, but God continues to seek me out, just as He did her. He offers you and me the same Living Water He offered to her. Will you allow Him to make you new as he is doing to me?

Pulling up my bootstraps.....

It has been 6 months since my last post. I feel I have failed miserably at the task I set before me last year, but I am pulling up my bootstraps and jumping back on the horse...so to speak! It is a new year and 2012 can and will be, only what I make of it. Everyone seems to start the new year with a weight loss goal but this is more than about weight loss. For me, it is about self confidence, purpose and healthy living. This is what I plan to focus on for the next 355 days left in 2012.

1) Develop my relationship with my savior

2) To be a better mother and wife to my family

3) To actually live "Financial Peace"

4) Lose 50 lbs by October

5) To run a 5K

Life is never complete on this earth. There is always something to be learned, things to improve on and relationships to develop, but there has to be a sense of purpose with all this. My journey is about being the woman God intends for me to be and to do this, I have to change from the inside out and it has to start with my relationship with my Savior and from there, my health, my husband and children.

There is a song that has been going through my head this week and it is called "Alive Again" by Matt Maher, our church band sings this and it is so uplifting to me.

I woke up in darkness
sounded by silence
oh where, where have I gone?

I woke to reality
losing its grip on me
oh where, where have I gone?

Cause I can see the light
before I see the sunrise

Chorus
You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

Late have I loved you
you waited for me,
I searched for you…
what took me so long?

I was looking outside
as if love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong

Cause I can feel the wind
before it hits my skin

Bridge
Cause I want you!
Yes, I want you,
I need you
And I’ll do what ever I have to
Just to get through
cause I love you
Yeah, I love you!

I love this song and find my self humming it all the time and as I read the words, I realize, that I AM alive again and I intend on living my life in a way that will allow Christ to shine through everything I do.

I will be blogging about this as I go along because it is beneficial for me to put it down in writing and makes me accountable to anybody who reads it. Those who know me, know I have struggled a lot over the past few years and my life is not a bed of roses, but I keep pushing forward, always trying to be the woman I know Christ wants me to be. It has not been easy, nor will it be this time, but I will press on trying to reach the goals set before me.

Paul writes in Philippians 3:13b-14 "forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

I may be taking this verse a bit out of context, but really isn't about constantly reaching for those things God has called you to do? I think it is a perfect verse for me to begin this year, for anybody who wants to seek out God's will for your life.

Until next time.