His strength is made perfect in our weakness

During my daily quiet time and bible study I have been praying and asking God to change me; help with this weight loss, change the way I think about food but also praying for more personal and spiritual things. I want to be a person that God can use in a mighty way. I want to make a difference in my family's life, my husband's life and most importantly, I want to change my life to be a walking testimony of the love and forgiving power of Jesus Christ. I think this is something that every Christian should strive for, but He may already be doing that in ways we just don't realize.

Many of us want to change our lives, our circumstances and we expect everyone around us to change because, after all, I am a Christian, so there must be nothing wrong with me, it must be everyone else, right? Well I have read today that changing our circumstances often begins with changing ourselves. When we are willing to submit to God to change our own heart, and trust God for the outcome, we will be surprised how much better our life improves when we take our hands off the situation. This allows God to do His work - the work of restoring and healing and changing whatever needs to be changed.

Many times, we think we know what is best, but God doesn't make mistakes. We need to step back and allow God to do the work HE desires and trust that He knows what is best for us. This often may not be what we want or want we thought it should be. The thing we think will fix things is birthed in our imperfect and sinful minds and often out of God's Will for our lives. God is perfect, a healer, restorer and author of peace. He is not the author of confusion.

We may not think that God can use us until we get out of a particular situation; lets be real, we all make foolish decisions, tell lies and have bad thoughts, but as Christians, we learn to "crucify our sinful desires on a daily basis" (devotion Right Where We Are, Called Magazine, Feb 8, 2012). This is the same with me and my weight loss journey. To get right down to it, those who are overweight may be dealing with a food addiction. I would consider myself to be in that category. If this were not true, then it would be easy to turn away food and not desire it, but instead, I have to remind myself daily, why I can't eat the amount I used to or the things I used to, all the time! Sharon Jaynes writes in her devotion today that "our sinful nature never goes away; we simply become better at dominating it". I am seeing that by dominating my choices on food and the amount that I am eating, my life is changing, my body is changing and my attitudes are changing. I have been told by others that I am an inspiration to others.

So in the big picture of life, whether you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography or FOOD, you may not think that God can use you; but if you seek out God, plead with Him and truly seek repent over those strongholds in your life, God doesn't want you to stay where you are. 2 Corinthians states: "MY grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" God can use us in our weakness, it can allow us to reach others and help them to reach out to God and make them strong. "God doesn't want us to stay where we are, our (calling) is a journey. Through each stage of our struggles and growth, God is able to work through us, right where we are!!

You never let go...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

~~~Matt Redman

I was sitting here this morning in my quiet time with the Lord and this song was playing in the backround and I just broke down crying. To look at me and my family, you would think we were a happy normal family. But, what you may not see is that we have trials and tribulations just like everyone else. We have financial problems, we get into fights with our children, most especially our almost 17 year old who wants to act grown, but still needs her mommy. Chuck and I may look like the happy couple married almost 18 years, but we have dark areas in our past that we would rather leave in the past. And did you know that I have been on medicine for depression, that I don't like myself very much and can't stand to see me in anything that doesn't cover nearly every inch of my body???

In all this, God has never left my side. No matter how many times I may turn my back on him, he never turns His back on me. How wonderful to have a love that will withstand any storm, any trouble, any darkness. I have realized over the years that in my darkest hour, God was always there. That time 6 years ago when I wanted to drive my car into a brick wall at high speed because of a personal trial I was going through, God prompted me to make a phone call for help and on the other line was a dear friend telling me how much she loved me and reminding me how much God loves me. Even now, God has given me a true confidant, a very Godly, wise woman, someone I can share my deepest secrets with. Someone who helps keep me grounded and always look at things through God's eyes.

Today I am down nearly 22 lbs since the first of the year, and I have finally set a date for my first 5K. It will be May 12 at the Susan G Coman 5K at Atlantic Station. It certainly has not been easy but I have made a decision to not let the things of my darkness weigh me down. I am making a change, starting with me in mind, body and soul. I feel better since I am eating better and exercising. I am beginning to see changes in my body and fitting into smaller clothes. I feel much happier and I am weaning off my medicine for depression and my quiet time with my Savior is getting better. God's perfect love IS casting our fear and I know there is a light at the end, one day there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, "Still I will praise Him". My quiet time with the Lord has become so precious to me that I almost grieve the mornings I miss it.

I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life at this time, some he has been preparing for years and others are newcomers, but everyone is special to me and I know, has a purpose in my life. These are God's gifts to me right now and I hope I can be as good for them as they are for me. My heart aches right now for one who has just lost her job. I know she has been preparing for this for sometime, as she knew the time was coming, but it is still devastating. It changes your way of life, your daily routine. I know, I have been there, but God brought me out of that dark time and he will her too. I pray that God will lift her up today, give her a clear head and a peace over that situation. This didn't take Him by surprise. There is a purpose behind this and if we wait upon the Lord, He will guide our paths. I am learning that myself and was reminded of that very thing just the other day from this same friend. Isn't it great how God works!!!

I have had years and years of troubles, pain and darkness and the one thing we all need to remember, God never let's go through the calm and through the storm, in every high and every low. All we have to do is to remember to praise Him!!